Welcome to “Parenting Through Connection” with Megan Lachance, a podcast where we dive into the real struggles and complexities of parenting with honesty, hope, and practical strategies. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of raising kids while juggling life’s demands, you're not alone.
Each episode explores both sides of the parenting journey: managing stress and societal expectations, and building strong, meaningful relationships with your children. We’ll talk about the tough stuff; the things people don’t want to talk about or try to hide yet everyone experiences, the moments of feeling stuck and the times when parenting doesn’t feel like the dream you imagined…the ‘hidden’ parts of parenting that results in yelling, anger & sometimes even rage. Through relatable stories, mini coaching sessions, and actionable tips, Megan will help you break through the barriers that keep you feeling stuck, offering support and encouragement to help you find balance.
Parenting doesn’t have to be a daily struggle. Let’s normalize the challenges, let go of shame, and discover ways to enjoy the journey while strengthening your connection with your kids. So tune into “Parenting Through Connection” for a dose of hope, real talk, and the support you need to thrive as a parent.
Episode 20: Navigating Boundaries This Holiday Season
•Megan•Episode 20
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As we move into a season that’s meant to feel magical, so many of us secretly feel stretched thin, overwhelmed, and unsure how to manage all the expectations. In this episode of Parenting Through Connection, I open up about navigating the holidays with compassion for both ourselves and our kids, and how boundaries can help us stay grounded, present, and connected to what truly matters.
Keep listening as I explore:
Why the holidays feel so intense and how to notice the signs your capacity is maxed out
What boundaries really are, and why they are not selfish, rude, or a punishment
How to identify what truly matters to you this season, when making energy protecting choices
What to do when guilt kicks in or others react emotionally to your decisions
A practical mindset shift to help you stop carrying other people’s feelings as your own
The holidays don’t have to mean putting yourself last. When you honour your limits, you create space for the memories that really matter. If communicating boundaries feels especially hard, check out my Communication and Conflict Resolution Guide. Thanks for tuning in!
Welcome to Parenting Through Connection. I'm Megan, a parenting coach and mom, navigating the ups and downs of raising kids in a way that feels connected, compassionate, and true to who we really are. This is the place where we ditch the chain, embrace our humanity, and explore what it really means to parent with intention. From toddlers to teeth. Whether you're here for practical tips, heartfelt stories, or a reminder that there's no such thing as a bad parent, you're in the right place. Let's dive in and learn together so we can thrive in parent. So today we are talking about something that comes up every single year for us parents. And that is kind of navigating the holiday season. And with that, those holiday boundaries. Now, the holidays, they can be, you know, beautiful and meaningful and full of really good memories with the people that matter. And they can also feel really overwhelming, really overstimulating, and emotionally loaded. And if you find the holiday season challenging or overstimulating in any way, I want you to know that you are definitely not the only one. You're not overreacting. You know, there's nothing wrong with how you're functioning in this season. It is you responding to a very real increase in expectations, in pressure, and you know, the shoulds. A lot of us fall into even that comparison trap. And like I said, it's a lot of us. And so today we're going to talk about it all. We're going to talk about why holidays feel hard, what boundaries actually are, why they can feel maybe a little uncomfortable for us when we try to set them or hold them, and how you can support yourself and even your children through this season in a grounded way so that you can actually enjoy this season. So, like I always say, let's talk about it. So, holidays can feel really hard for many parents because there are so many changes at once. There are more people, more events, more noise, and more expectations. Our routines shift, they're kind of all over the place. Family patterns show up, maybe just family in general shows up. And kids, they feel the intensity of all of that too. So that might come with a lot of extra behaviors, maybe less sleep, or however that shows up with them too. So you are doing a lot during this time. And you might feel stretched thin, you might feel more reactive than usual, and it's a sign that you are carrying just a lot more, just a lot more than usual. And this is exactly why boundaries really matter during this season. They protect your energy, they protect your capacity, and they protect your ability to connect with your children and enjoy the season as a whole. And so when we talk about a boundary and what it really is, a boundary is not a punishment. You know, a lot of us have been kind of led to believe that, that a boundary is almost used as a weapon. But it's actually not a demand for someone else to change. And it's not something that we're using to harm anybody else. Instead, it's a limit or a choice that you set for yourself to support your well-being. And it's something that you choose because it helps you. So during the holidays, that might look like you're leaving, you know, an event by seven. Maybe you're reminding family members that your child is going to choose who they hug. Maybe, you know, finances are kind of a struggle right now. So you want to keep gifts really simple this year. And boundaries are how you take care of yourself when there's a lot going on, which is what happens with the holiday season. There is a lot going on. And I like to say here too that these boundaries don't have to be forever. Maybe it's just this season. Maybe it's a couple seasons. And then maybe it is long term. But you don't have to get stuck in that all or nothing mindset right now. It's what boundaries are going to support you right now. Now, for most of us, and me included, because I am a recovering people pleaser, and sometimes those patterns still pop up. But for most of us, those boundaries and setting those boundaries can feel hard. It can feel uncomfortable. Sometimes it actually feels really scary. And that really makes sense if that's what you're used to. Because many of us, we were raised to avoid conflict, to kind of keep the peace, to put our own needs last, you know, shop them down, put everyone else first. Parenting may have made that even more for you. And so when you begin setting boundaries, your body is probably going to react. You might feel that guilt, that fear, that pressure to be agreeable. And I want to remind you that this discomfort is not a sign that your boundary is wrong. Anytime we do anything new, even if it is something that's good for us, our body is gonna freak out a little bit. Because our system likes old patterns. Our system likes familiar, even if it's unhealthy. And so if we're breaking those old patterns and we're choosing something healthier, we are gonna have a little bit of discomfort. But that doesn't mean we're doing anything wrong, or that it's something we shouldn't be doing. And you're gonna know that. You're gonna know if this is a boundary that feels right for you or not. And if you're like, okay, this all sounds great, but how do I even set a boundary? I want you to start with you. So I want you to check in with yourself, and when you think of all the things you have to do for the holidays, you know, maybe that list of the things that you usually do, the things that you think you should do, all of those things. I want you to ask yourself, what actually matters to me this season? What do I value about this season? What do I want out of this season? And also, what feels like too much? What do I not really want to do? And your answers are going to be what guides your boundaries. You might realize that you need a quiet morning at home before you go out to an event at night. Maybe you're in the season where you really need shorter visits, or maybe you need fewer events in one single weekend, or even a weekend off after a really busy week. And when you begin to set those boundaries from what you value and what makes you feel good and you feel grounded, your boundaries are then gonna start from to come from clarity, not pressure or fear or expectations. You're gonna feel confident in where those are coming from. And so some areas that boundaries might come up, and this is by no means an exhaustive list, but maybe it's around bedtime or routine. Maybe it's the visit length, maybe physical touch and hugs, maybe things like food or sugar, if you have allergies, or maybe you just don't want your kids to have a huge sugar intake every single day. Maybe it's how many events you attend, or those gift expectations. You are allowed to choose what works for your family. And a reminder that those choices do not need to look like anyone else's. You don't need to get stuck in that comparison trap. And so when it comes to communicating a boundary, so now you've got those boundaries, you have an idea of what you want to set. When you communicate those to others, if needed, you're gonna keep it clear, kind, and simple. You do not need to justify or over-explain. Again, if you have a bit of that anxiety around it, if you have maybe some of those people-pleasing tendencies, if this is new to you, you might feel like you have to give a lot of reasons. And as someone who did that a lot myself, it's usually because we are looking for their approval. We want that other person to say it's okay, to approve of our boundary because that's what's gonna make us feel safe. And so then we try to convince them, we give them all these extra reasons. Again, we kind of try to justify them to this person. And I want to let you know that you don't need to. You can say, you know, we are going to need to leave early tonight. We are keeping things simple this year. Even about your child, you can say, you know, he's taking a break, he'll join us when he's ready. Your clarity is really powerful when setting these boundaries, and their response is not your responsibility. And if you struggle with that, because again, hello, me too. I had to learn this as well. But what I found really works for me, if I find that maybe I'm taking on people's emotions or I'm just not sure if I am, I ask myself the question of if I was alone, would I feel bad? Or would I feel anxious, or whatever feeling is coming up? So, an example of that is, you know, if I was leaving this event and I was by myself, would I feel good? Or would I feel upset? And if I feel good, and I know I'd feel good, because you know I'm setting that boundary, I'm doing what works for my needs, then that's not my emotion. That's their emotion being upset that I'm leaving. And that doesn't mean I can't validate it, I can't empathize with them, I can't support them, you know, if it's your child. This works for your children too in those emotional moments. Doesn't mean you can't support, but it means you don't have to take it on. You don't have to fix it, and you don't have to be responsible for it. And so that's a little trick that I use for myself. I just ask, if I was alone, would this upset me? And that can help clarify it for me. Now, sometimes, of course, that guilt does show up, even when we tell ourselves these things, and you might feel guilty. That is a very valid emotion. You might feel guilty for leaving early, saying no, even protecting your child's needs, protecting your own needs. And again, guilt doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. It means that it feels new. And you are allowed to choose yourself, you're allowed to choose your family, and you're allowed to have limits. And it is gonna take a bit of that transition. Like I said, this is new. This isn't something maybe you're used to doing. And when it really, really matters, you know, if you're feeling guilty, or if you're like, actually, you know, you do that check-in with yourself and you're like, you know what, this is my emotion, or maybe you know what, it's an event that you really don't like or don't want to go to, but it's with a person that maybe matters with you, or maybe it's a person that you know you're now in a conflict with, a conflict of needs is very, very common. So you might have a need to, you know, go home, be home at a certain time. Grandma may have this need where she wants all her grandkids and you to stay over for the night. And that could be a conflict. That could be like a no, we're not gonna do that. And you can either decide, you can say, nope, I'm going to set this boundary, and that's what I'm gonna do. Or you can enter into something I call that conflict resolution. It's called win-win conflict resolution, where you're like, you know what? I'm willing to communicate this, I'm willing to negotiate this, I'm willing to find maybe a solution because grammar is important to me. I want to make this work. And again, you get to choose. You get to choose if this is an event where it's like, nope, not going this season. Or, you know what, I value that person. I would like to go that this season, but I'm gonna need some collaboration and some support to go because of my season. And that's okay too. So that's something you can do as well. You can enter into a communication, into a conflict resolution as well. And if you're like, okay, that's great, how do I do that? Well, I have a full guide that talks all about conflict and communication, and it includes a full step-by-step, how do you do this? So you can sit down and have these conversations, especially if you never learned how to communicate your needs, how to resolve conflict, because a lot of us, let's be honest, we learned conflict was really, really bad, even though conflict happens all the time in relationships. So if that's where you are, I'll link it in the show notes. But that guide could really, really help if you're running into these situations and you're just not sure what to do. But overall, I do want to remind you that at the end of the day, boundaries are not about control. You know, no matter what you might be led to believe, they are not about punishment. They are not about, you know, sticking at two people. They're about connection. Because they're gonna be what lets you create a season where you can be present with your kids, a season where your body feels steady, where you feel grounded, a season where you can make those meaningful memories without sacrificing yourself over and over. And those are the reasons behind every boundary. Those are the things that matter. And so I want to thank you for spending this time with me. And as you move into this holiday season, I hope you give yourself permission to slow down, to listen to yourself, and choose what actually supports you and your family. Because you deserve that holiday. You deserve that calm, connected, grounded holiday. And your kid deserves a parent who's able to show up, who is able to actually enjoy those moments that matter. And if you found this helpful, I would love for you to share this episode with another parent who might need this reminder or might be struggling with boundaries. And if boundaries are conflict, they feel especially challenging for you. Just remember, I do have that guide that supports you through that communication, through that conflict with clarity and compassion. It's a great next step if you're wanting that extra support. Thank you so much for being here, and I hope to see you next time.
